Bad Mama Genny

blah blah blah chicken and stuff.

I call this “Birthday Chicken,” not because I’ve actually made it for anyone’s birthday, but rather because The Boy told me he wanted me to make it for his birthday.  It should be noted that he just had a birthady.  Just over a month ago.  It should also be noted that The Boy says this to me at least once or twice a month.  I will never make all the things for The Boy’s birthday that he has requested for his birthday.  It would surely kill him.

I call this “homestyle” because I felt like it.  It just seemed right.

It should be noted that if you’re ever worried about chicken coming out dry, this pretty much removes all possibility.  Searing it with a flour coating makes sure that the meat bastes itself (what?  Don’t make chicken feel shame for basting itself–WE ALL NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR OWN PLEASURE) with its own juices.

When I was a little girl, The Mother would have me help her make flour-coated chicken.  I’m pretty sure it didn’t have spices and stuff in it, but we were shaking and baking nonetheless.  And I was convinced that there was some magic that made an infinite number of chicken pieces come out of what looked like just a baggie of flour.  Every time I thought it was over, I’d close my eyes, reach my fingers under the surface, and pull out another drumstick.  And little 4-year-old BMG was all,

“OMFG, it’s fucking magic, Ma!”

Or something like that.  I can’t really remember, because shortly thereafter The Aunt attempted an at-home exorcism.

It was the same with gum from The Mother’s purse.  HOW DID SHE ALWAYS HAVE IT EVEN THOUGH THE BROTHER AND I KEPT EATING IT?!  Surely her purse was magically regenerating gum pieces.  Surely she wasn’t doing anything in the checkout line to aid this magic while we were busy convincing each other that we would die if we each didn’t get two new boxes of cereal and one Bubble Tape roll each.

EACH I SAID EACH WE CANNOT FUCKING SHARE EVEN IF I DID SHARE A WOMB WITH YOU FOR SEVEN MONTHS I SHALL HAVE MY OWN BUBBLE TAPE ROLL I SHALL I REQUIRE THREE FULL FEET OF BUBBLE PRODUCING RIBBON.

Where did grape Bubble tape go?  Do they not sell that anymore?  Virtual fishnet kudos go to the first misfit who can tell me where to find a roll.

Two rolls, that is.

We’ve matured so.  so much.

Homestyle Baked Birthday Chicken
Makes 1 whole chicken’s worth

Go Get:

1 cup flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1 1/2 teaspoons sweet Hungarian paprika
1/2 teaspoon dried onion powder
1/4 teaspoon dried garlic powder
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 cup mild-flavored frying oil (I used sunflower seed oil)
8 ounces beer
1 whole chicken, cut into pieces (throw the giblets and chicken backs into the freezer for making stock another day–I do this with the wings, too, if I’m doubtful they’ll be eaten)

Go Do:

Preheat the oven to 400 F degrees.  Put half the oil in a large skillet and turn the heat on medium-high.  Toss the flour and spices in a gallon-size ziploc bag until it’s well mixed, then add the chicken pieces, seal the bag, and shake until they’re thoroughly coated.  When the oil is sizzling hot (wet your hand, shake the droplets into the pan, and the oil is ready when the pan hisses and the water dances and swiftly disappears), add half the chicken pieces to the pan with a pair of tongs.  (We’re doing this in batches for better browning and heat retention–lost heat means soggy, greasy chicken).  Don’t move the pieces around too early–you want to let them develop a good sear.  When the pieces are a deep golden brown on one side and you can slide them around easily, flip them over and repeat.  Don’t worry about cooking the chicken through–just go for that good sear.  When the second side is done, move the pieces to a roasting pan (skin side up) and repeat the frying process with the other half of the pieces.  When all the pieces are done and in the roaster, pour the beer over them.  Now tightly cover the roaster with aluminum foil or a lid, and move it into the oven.  Roast for 1 hour, or until the fattest piece is cooked through.  Let the chicken rest out of the oven for 10 minutes before serving–I always cut into the largest breast at that point to make sure it got cooked through to the center.  Serve and enjoy.

© 2012, Genevieve P. Charet. All rights reserved.

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