Hi, everyone, it’s me, The Boy! I just want to take this opportunity to say,
Because I think Gen would really enjoy hearing her manly man say something so effeminate. I would also like to go on record as saying that her cats are sooooOOOOOOOooooo CUTE OMG OMG!
HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?!?! NO, REALLY, HAVE YOU?!?!?!!?
They’re the bestest. So furry and sweet and with such excellent manners! London always wipes her paws before dinner! Basil would never wear tuxedo cufflinks with a double-breasted suit!
And on that note, I never think it’s weird that my girlfriend takes care of feral cats. I think the fact that she used her hard-won time and money to build these wild cats that she’s deathly allergic to a heated greenhouse for the wintertime is a testament to her big heart, and not at all a sign of certain mental fragility! Anyone who says otherwise is gonna get beat up. BY ME! In a huge display of manly manly manliness involving a leather jacket and a candy cigarette and liberal use of the phrase, “Now you listen ta’ me, Pal!”
In case you were wondering, Gen is the most beautiful and bestest! When she orders a big beer that she can’t finish and then leaves the last third all flat-like and asks me to finish it, I am not secretly disgusted and judgmental. Why would I be? It’s a pleasure and a privilege to drink her warm, rejected beverages! Also, her cats are soooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE! HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?!?!
My favorite thing that we’ve done lately is when I sat on the couch next to her enjoying a beer and some South Park on Netflix Instant and she asked me to pause it so that she could show me the 29 different doormats with snarky phrases she’s considering for the front of the new place and I was so riveted but then Gen did the most endearing thing where she got frustrated and slammed her computer shut and rolled around on the floor and saying something I couldn’t quite make out but which I’m pretty sure had something to do with having too much responsibility on her shoulders and how all she wants to do is eat cheese fries and drink G&T’s and never work a day again in her life, and then she asked me to hold her nail polish bottles straight for her while she tested colors.
The best part? WE STILL DON’T HAVE A DOORMAT!
Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to put in writing, in a legally binding fashion, that I forgive Gen for a whole host of embarrassing –CHARMING I MEAN CHARMING–incidents that we shall not mention here lest I remind him MYSELF I MEAN MYSELF MYSELF, including that one time when she told all the people at that one Starbucks that their new travel mug had a clitoris (EVEN THOUGH IT DID HAVE A CLITORIS Gen was right it totally did have a clitoris and I completely get where she was coming from now how could I have ever questioned her, clearly the woman who wants to fictitiously start a fictitious tea house named “Cuntea” is an expert on the intersection of vagina and beverage accessories!
Love you, Babe!
Okay, misfits, bye!
No, really, I swear, it’s me!
HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN GEN’S FUCKING CUTE-ASS KITTENS?!?!?!
© 2012, Genevieve P. Charet. All rights reserved.