After college I went backpacking solo through Europe for a few months. When my arse landed itself in Ireland, I visited the Jameson Distillery. They do tasting demonstrations with the tours to prove the superiority of Irish whiskey (I believe! I BELIEEEEEEEVE!). When they asked for volunteers, I shot my arm into the air so fast I nearly dislocated it and punched an old woman.
My mental dialog was something like: “PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME!”
My out-loud dialog, however, was probably more like:
“PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME!”
After all, what were the odds I’d get to chug whiskey on the house?!
Apparently, pretty good. I was the only chick who volunteered.
So up I
walked ran scampered desperately. I tasted. I tested. I affirmed that, yes, the Irish do make the most unbelievable whiskey. I received a high-five from an elderly Dublin man. I giggled a lot, because OMG YOU GUYS I FORGOT HOW TO BLINK ISN’T THAT FUNNY IT MUST BE AN UNNECESSARY FUNCTION KIND OF LIKE YOUR APPENDIX HEY WHO NEEDS AN APPENDIX ANYWAY WHY I AM I WASTING MY TIME HAVING AN APPENDIX SOMEBODY GET RID OF MINE BEFORE I WASTE MORE OF MY LIFE ON APPENDIX-HAVING.
In the end, I received a Jameson Distillery certificate declaring me an official Badass. Or something like that. I don’t really remember what it said. I don’t really remember much at all.
What I DO remember is throwing out clothing and other assorted personal possessions so that I could carry that certificate the rest of the way through Europe with me without crushing or wrinkling it. To this day, I know exactly where that certificate is at all times. Fucked if I know where my high school diploma is. Or my college diploma. Or my Social Security card. Or The Boy.
It’s about priorities, misfits.
But anyway, I tell you all this not to wax nostalgic about the good-old days, but rather, to make you feel guilty. I mean, all that research. All that work. Training, really. For this moment, misfits. For this recipe. For you.
No, no…hush…don’t speak…you’re welcome.
Homemade Dairy-Free Irish Cream
2 cans coconut milk
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1 1/2 cups Jameson whiskey (or brand of your choice)
1 Tablespoon vanilla bean paste (or vanilla extract)
2 ounces cold espresso (or double-strength coffee)
1 1/2 cups almond milk
1/3 cup all-natural chocolate syrup (try my homemade version)
Pour 1 can coconut milk into a saucepan with the brown sugar. Whisk constantly over low heat until dissolved. Continue to cook over low heat, whisking occasionally, until the liquid is reduced and mixture is thickened, about ten minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
Put sugar syrup into a blender with the remaining ingredients.
Puree until well combined. Pour into an appropriately shady-looking moonshine vessel. Store in the fridge for at least two days before drinking–no judgment if you can’t wait. Shake well before serving.
© 2011, Genevieve P. Charet. All rights reserved.