First off, can I just say how completely awesome it was to write a list of ingredients that started with “1 human-sized skull”?
You so know Creepy Leonard was involved in this somehow, right?
The two of us wanted to recreate a skinned face out of meat for maximum realism, and we had Creepy Leonard’s extensive selection of skulls and skull-like objects to choose from for our foundation.
Props go to these people for their take on a similar concept. We decided to go in a slightly different direction by layering shredded, fatty prosciutto on top of a hammy base for a realistic, dessicated corpse look.
Prosciutto on top of ham, misfits. This means the early-comers to your party are rewarded with more expensive cured meats. And the fashionably late will curse their fashionability and never be fashionable for your events ever again.
Ah, manipulation via cured meat. The best kind of manipulation there is!
And misfits? It makes use of DA EYEBALLZ!
The best part of this is how quick and easy it is considering the insane impact it’ll have at your Halloween party.
No, wait, scratch that. That’s the second best part.
The best part is when you finish making it and taking pictures and leave it on the table and wander off to do something else and forget all about it and then walk downstairs later in the night and The Boy is standing there with a stiff drink in one hand, wearing an expression of pure horror, and the conversation that follows goes something like this:
Me: “Hey, honey, wh–oh, wow, what’s wrong?”
The Boy: “I…I…I’ve done a bad thing, Gen.”
Me: “What happened, honey? It can’t be that bad.”
The Boy: “It is. Oh, it’s bad.”
Me: “…okay. Just tell me what it is and I’ll help you fix it.”
The Boy: “Wh-when I got home from work…? I was, um, really hungry? And…and…”
The Boy: “OH GOD I ATE THE FLESH OF A MAN!”
Me: (sigh) “Oh, honey, is that all?…That’s okay…I put it there for you to eat!”
The Boy: “YOU MEAN YOU INTENDED THIS, WOMAN?! OH GOD HOW DID THINGS SPIRAL SO OUT OF CONTROL? HOW DID WE FALL SO FAR?! HOW HAS IT COME TO THIS?!?!?!”
The Boy: “…”
Me: “…Are you done?”
The Boy: “Yeah, pretty much.”
So make Ye Olde Flesh Face Meat Skull, misfits! Watch in wonder as it comes together. Then stand back, admire your handiwork, and let the spirit of Halloween fill your heart with glad tidings.
You sick, sick fucks.
**This concludes 2011’s Boo Mama Genny Halloween Recipe Series! Wanna know what we did before this post?
*Harry Potter Chocolate Frogs Stuffed with Cookie Dough, or, Meet Creepy Leonard
*Chips ‘n Brains, or, Vegan Avocado, Corn, and Bean Dip in a Pumpkin Bowl
*Vegan Pumpkin Donuts with Maple Spice Glaze, or, I Will Scream “Eyeball” at You on the Street
The Flesh Face Meat Skull
Makes 1 skull’s worth
1 human-sized prop skull
2 gumball eyeballs
1/2 lb. very thinly-sliced fatty prosciutto (The cheap stuff? Works just fine. You’re welcome.)
1/2 lb. very thinly-sliced deli ham
1/2-3/4 cup barbecue sauce
cheese and crackers, for serving
Set your scene.
Completely envelop the skull in plastic wrap, overlapping wherever necessary to hold it all together. Then cut away the eye and mouth holes.
Begin to tear the ham into shreds and lay it over the skull in an overlapping fashion. Try not to use any evenly cut edges on parts that will show–they destroy the realism, misfits! But if you have a The Boy or The Girl or The Dog or The Meow Meow at home…feed him or her the scraps.
Continue wrapping until you’ve used up the ham.
Now position the eyeball gumballs in the eye hollows.
Looking good (and good is a relative term here) so far, Face!
Now comes the real fun–prosciutto time! Tear it into rough strips and layer it on top of the ham. Take care to use any especially stringy and dangly bits near the eyes and mouth for maximum detail. Bunch up meat in some areas to really work the grotesque factor, and don’t forget to build up a nose nubbin.
The all-important nose nubbin.
And…you’re done! Serve with cheese and crackers and, uh, a healthy sense of detachment.
© 2011, Genevieve P. Charet. All rights reserved.